Here's the finished script!
CHARACTERS:
• Larie- Struggling writer who makes a living by being a barista at Starbucks. She feels a lack of accomplishment due to a looming birthday.
• Amy- Former singer and roommate of Larie, now she works designing compatible user fronts for multimedia interaction
• Victoria- Wannabe fashion designer currently employed at Gap.
• Daphne- Aspiring dancer who teaches ballet to wealthy untalented kids.
• Johnny- Larie’s successful boyfriend, what he actually does no one is certain.
• Advait- random parts throughout
• Off Stage Manager (OSM): the actual off-stage manager who sits on the side of the stage visible to the audience wearing a headset and occasionally shouting commands and handing out props
SETTING:
• Scene One: A Starbucks in New York City
• Scene Two: Broadway / Times Square / Theatre District
SCENE ONE:
Larie: (in a deep booming voice projected while hiding behind the counter) In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
OMS: Cut! Wrong intro… (Ruffles papers) Que ticking.
Amy: (jumps out enthusiastically) Que ticking!
(Start ticking noise)
Larie: (in the same manner as before) The sound you are hearing is not a technical problem. It is not a musical cue. It is not a joke. It is the sound of one person's mounting anxiety. I ... am that person.
(Larie jumps up to reveal herself to the audience)
Larie: (“hi” as geeky as possible) Hi. I'm Laurie, and lately I keep hearing that sound, that ticking. Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal, it’s actually kind of pleasant, like a watch… a watch that keeps reminding me how much time has passed, how much I’ve aged, how much I’ve yet to accomplish… wait a tick.
( Larie walks off stage, we hear a smashing noise, and ticking has stopped)
Larie: (upon reappearing) Much better. Where was I?
OSM: Introductions!
Larie: Right! I’m Larie, short for Larson. Today I am thirty. Three-zero. Older than my Mom was when I was born. Older than Napoleon was when he ... did something that was probably extremely impressive at the time – I’m not a historian. I’m a composer. Sorry, a “promising young composer.” I want to write musicals. I want my words to live on forever in song on Broadway.
(Dramatic pause)
For now, however, I work at Starbucks.
A popular movie that came out this past summer claimed that people come to the Big Apple for two reasons, love and labels, and that you can’t get through the mess that is life without your friends, I agree with the latter part only.
(L moves to right table, Victoria enters from back door)
This is Victoria. She came pursuing a fashion career.
(V does model poses and walks)
To afford her apartment, she works at the Gap.
(V moves to left table, Daphne enters from back door)
This is Daphne. She has dreamed about being a ballerina since she was 3.
(D dances)
To support herself, Daphne teaches ballet to wealthy and untalented children.
(D moves to left table, Amy enters from back door)
This is my best friend and former roommate Amy. She wanted to be a singer on Broadway but she gave it up and now works designing compatible user fronts for multimedia interaction. Whatever the hell that means.
(A moves to left table, Advait enters from back door)
This is Advait. That’s his real name. He’s the actor that will be playing all the seemingly random parts with many great one-liners.
Advait: Hi, I’m Advait. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
(Advait looks at watch then bolts back out the door; a cell ringtone plays- preferably one from RENT)
L: Oh! That’s my cell. It’s Johnny, my boyfriend. Hey!
Johnny: (mumble random words)
L: What Johnny?
J: (more mumbles)
L: That's not what I'm saying.
Johnny: That's what you're inferring.
L: No, you mean that's what I'm implying. And I'm not implying it, you inferred
it. Never mind… we’ll talk about it later I have to go to work.
(Soft jazzy music starts to play as L walks behind the counter, puts on an apron, and starts to make the orders that the cast is shouting.)
Advait ( as angry customer): Listen Larry. This was supposed to be a quad shot non-fat sugar-free caramel Macchiato and you couldn’t even get that right. That’s why you’re just a barista.
L: (aside) If you think there’s never justification for shooting someone (looks to Advait then back at audience), try working at Starbucks during morning rush.
D: Omigod, Larie!
(D jumps on counter)
L: (aside) She’s too perky for her own good. Luckily, she didn’t come in to order anything.
D: Omigod. I found the best hats for your surprise birthday party!
(D goes to retrieve a ridiculous party hat from behind the curtain)
Try it on!
(D places the hat on L who grimaces but plays it sweet to not kill D’s spirit)
L: It’s….. great. Thanks sweetie, but you really don’t need to throw a party.
D: Are you kidding? It’ll be splend-tastic! Hey girl hey!
(D joins A and V’s table)
Amy: All I’m saying is we had to join the real world you, know? You can’t keep trying to be a playwright, actor, singer, designer, or dancer. Hey girl. I stopped and you know. I don’t regret it. No more walking up six flights of stairs or thirteen blocks with thirty pounds of laundry in the dead of winter. No more holes in the ceiling, leaking pipes, faulty wiring.
Victoria: No more living off Ramen Noodles.
Amy: Right. It’s time to grow up. You can’t be a barista forever.
(All three look at L who has been trying to help the angry customer.)
L: I’m very sorry sir.
(“spills” coffee on Advait)
Advait: My slacks! That’s it! Where’s your manager?
(awkward pause… clears throat) I said: (louder) Where’s your manager?
OSM: Manager called in sick today.
D: What do we do?
OSM: (obviously improvising) In today’s performance the role of manager will be played by…
(OSM looks around at cast… shakes head disapprovingly. Looks to audience. picks someone random on front row to play manager and hands them index card).
You play the part of manager. Stand up, read this card, and act tough!
Audience member (as manager): (talk tough… possibly like a cowboy) Now, now. We’ve seem to be having some trouble with you lately. I am not sorry to say this but…. You’re Fired.
D: Omigod! It’s so Apprentice!
V: That show got cancelled.
L: Fine. You know what? I QUIT!
OSM: Scene Change!
(All cast scuttle around changing the stage for scene two)
SCENE TWO:
(After scene change, J/D/V/A exit. Larie starts off center stage. She is alone on the stage with the exception of Advait who is hiding behind the cityscape)
OSM: Action!
Larie: I take a walk and decided I needed that. Now I can concentrate on my new musical Pop Goes the Weasel and Other Microwave Games. I suddenly realize that my feet have led me to Times Square. To the Theatre District. I start to wonder: Could my show end up here? Is it good enough for Broadway, this magical street of dreams? Is it too good for Broadway, that shameless commercial whore? It's that raging mix of envy and contempt that's so ... healthy.
(Johnny enters)
I bump into my boyfriend. A very successful businessman who does who knows what. I always wonder what people do in those big office buildings. Upon investigating by watching the tv series the Office, I still have no idea.
J: Hey babe. What’s wrong?
L: I just got fired.
J: (genuinely excited) Sweet! Now I can get you a job as a Central Liaison Information Technologist!
L: Agggg….
J: Come on babe. You can’t keep pretending to be a playwright. You need to be out in the world climbing the ladder and making serious money.
Advait: (jumping out from behind cityscape) Like a man.
J: You know, I know that this fight has been brewing for a while. I’ve dreamt about it constructing the perfect lines, I wrote them down. And some responses for you too.
(J goes and gets fight script from OMS. He hands one to Larie, moves her for better staging and clears his throat before proceeding)
Here’s exactly how I feel, expressed as clearly as possible:
(J and L should read the following as fast as possible for it is actually written on the note cards. J should have a better grasp on the words though- as evident by faster speech or less confusion- seeing as he wrote the lines)
I feel bad, that you feel bad about me feeling bad, about you feeling bad about what I said, about what you said about me not being able to share a feeling.
L: If I thought that what you thought was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts
Then my reaction to your reaction to my reaction would have been more revealing
J: I was afraid that you'd be afraid if I told you that I was afraid of intimacy if you don't have a problem with my problem maybe the problem is simply co-dependency.
L: (starting to get confused, but still fast) Yes I know that now you know that I didn't know that you didn't know that when I said "No" I meant "Yes, I know" and that now I know that you knew that you knew
J: I was wrong to say you were wrong to say I was wrong about you being wrong. If I were you when I'd done what I'd done and I'd do what you did when I gave you the thing having said what I said.
(scripted fight is now over)
L: STOP IT! This is ridiculous. Can we just talk?
J: Are you saying we’re not talking? Come on, I work hard all day, making money, bringing home the bacon
Advait: (jumping out from behind cityscape) Like a man.
J: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
L: Ughhh! You’re not like a man. You whine and throw your fists in the air when you don’t get your way. It’s like….It’s like… help me out here
(L looks to Advait. Advait looks over shoulder, points to himself then offers up a suggestion)
Advait: like a child.
J: You think I’m a child?
L: Yeah…. And I don’t want to babysit anymore. Bye.
(Johnnie leaves. Amy enters. Larie walks in circle and then addresses the auidence.)
L: After the fight I bump into Amy. It seems she’s followed me from the store.
Amy: Hey. I’m sorry about what happened back there. Let’s be honest. You didn’t want to be a barista forever anyway.
L: Yeah. I was just thinking that. Now I can continue working on Pop Goes the Weasel and Other Microwave Games.
A: Awesome. I can’t wait to see it work-shopped.
L: Really?
A: Yeah. I’m really proud of you.
L: Weren’t you just saying in there---
A: Yeah. You know I didn’t mean it. I wish I had the courage to pursue my dreams like you. I was just trying to justify myself in front of the Vic and Daph. They’re still designing and dancing. Victoria just got accepted to a new design school and Daphne got an offer to join a real ballet company.
L: Really?
A: Yeah,
L: Why didn’t they tell me?
A: News just broke today. Not good timing with you being fired and turning the big 3-0. Wouldn’t news of two of your friends leaving just make the day worse? Whoops.
L: Leaving?
A: Design school in Santa Fe and dance company in Cape Cod. And with you settling in to write, it seems I’m the only one who isn’t living their dream. I gave up a while ago.
L: I’ll write you as my star. Come on. I’m the one with the crappy day here. Hey, let’s go on an adventure.
A: What?
L: Let computers be uncompatible user interaction friendly for a while.
A: Well….
(OSM slide two sunglasses on stage hitting their feet. L picks hers up)
L: Come on, It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, (puts on glasses) and we're wearing sunglasses.
A: Better not
L: Awww… (peaks over sunglasses) why not?
A: I believe your surprise party is tonight… (looks to OSM) right?
OSM: (nods head) Right. Queue singing!
A: Queue singing!
(D/V/Ad/J enter from all sides approaching L with a cake)
All: (singing) Happy Birthday to You / Happy Birthday to You
L: (interrupting the song) WAIT! I’ve got it! I’ll write this down.
Victoria: What down?
L: Everything that has happened to me in the last two days… but I’ll condense it and put it into a show. Yes, I’ll condense it to 8ish minutes. It’ll be a hit! And one day, mediocre theatre students will perform it in a black box for 14-ish people…
(Awkward pause… All except L look around in a confused manner)
Victoria: (breaking the awkward silence) That’ll never work.
Amy: Who’d perform?
Daphne: Cute idea.
Johnny: (goes over and puts hand on L’s shoulders) At least you tried….
OSM: Question- if this was a show, how would it end?
L: I’d write a song that has a great philosophical meaning about what it takes to wake a generation and make people take a stand.
Victoria: That doesn’t seem like it would flow with the rest of the play…
Amy: Keep trying oldie.
All: (singing- Advait mispronounces Larie as Larry again) Happy Birthday Dear Larie
Daphne: Make a wish
L: I hope my play helps theatre students pass
All: (singing) Happy Birthday to You!
Advait: (jumps to center stage singing) This is the life bo bo bo bo bo
